


When the wind speaks

by OfDarkMind



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Character Death, Emotional Shit, I Don't Even Know, I found myself in the midst of emotional termoil writing this, M/M, My take on how Levi reacts to Erwin's death, Sorry to hurt you, What the hell is wrong with me, Wind spirit Erwin loving Levi, i cried, spoiler - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-12
Updated: 2017-05-12
Packaged: 2018-10-30 21:25:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,708
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10885224
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OfDarkMind/pseuds/OfDarkMind
Summary: Levi tries to hide the true pain he feels after losing Erwin. But the wind comforts him and tells him he is not alone.





	When the wind speaks

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry for this heartbreak but I needed to do this. I am cut up about it and I had to create to help myself deal. It may cause pain. It may cause saltiness. But it is beautiful at the same time. Poor Levi. Poor Hanji.
> 
> Also I keep seeing Oluo having a blind and somewhat special younger sister. I have an entire scenario involving that moment Levi had to bring news of Oluo's demise to his family. Its not cannon. 
> 
> Wow I am depressed now.

“Don’t ignore it. You’re running away from it like a shitty coward.” Levi said to the corner of the dark office. 

He has been walking around for days down feeling empty. Nothing seems to stir a flicker of emotion in the pit of his being anymore. Its almost like he has been a complete and utter waste of flesh. Numb to everything. Not hearing when people talk. Not tasting when he can even find strength to bring food to lips. Not smelling anything but horse, blood and sweat. 

Even telling himself he is a coward and evading the dark thing that has taken up residency in his soul, leaching all the energy from him, cannot stir adequate feelings to bring home the ringing truth of his situation. 

Levi closes his eyes and almost hears the chair tucked abandoned under the desk squeak slightly as Erwin his weight shifted and it makes that dark thing laugh at him. His teeth clench in effort to make that negative force fuck off… but it just slowly subsides back into its cocoon chuckling until Levi thinks of him again. 

Levi somehow manages to not scream in the dark at the taunting thing. It is mocking him. Making him feel weak and vulnerable and that is one thing Levi hated… to feel vulnerable. He decides it is too painful to stand there and do nothing so he walks around the office. It is dark and he could easily walk into something and knock it over. But he doesn’t concern himself with it. He approaches the desk. He lets his slim fingers slip over the polished surface and he can feel Erwin in the grooves. 

Levi squeezes his eyes hard to stop the final flood of emotion and couldn’t. Cold heavy tears slid down his face as he wails silently to the dark ceiling that seemed a million miles away. Suddenly it wasn’t just Erwin his heart broke and blead for.

Every bitter loss he was forced to withstand, from his mother… to Isabel and Farlan… Never knowing what happened to their bodies… where they lay and if they were now the grass and flowers that grew in that field. To Seeing Erd’s lover’s face break as he approached her. Gunther’s sick father barely move but for the single cold tear that slid down his wasted cheek. Oluo’s mother and blind younger sister weeping as he handed them the cape of their fallen loved one. Petra’s father… uncomprehending. Monstrous grief suddenly on his wizened kind face. 

Now… Erwin. 

Levi remembered Erwin warning him not to succumb to the grief. He will doubt himself. He will not be able to do what needs to be done. But seeing it so many times. Over and over. Not just his own bleeding soul but the souls connected to the ones he too lost. Mothers, brothers, sisters, fathers… All looking to him for explanation he could not give. 

It made him feel inadequate. Empty and weightless. 

A small pained sound escaped his throat as he silently cried opened mouthed to the endless black void above him. How dare life take these liberties with such fragile creatures. Giving them hope… love… life… just to take it away! 

“Erwin!” Levi wanted to scream his name but it came out in a choked whisper. He broke and fell over the top of the bare desk, pressing himself and his heated tear soaked face into the cool surface where he has seen Erwin so many times hunched over papers. 

“You can’t leave me like this. You have no right! I hate you! I hate you!” He cries and he grasps at his hair in a maddening vision; wave after wave of Erwin’s smile and bright eyes tormented him. His love for Erwin cursing the hatred of grief in an endless cramp in his chest that drove away his breath. 

“I never got to tell you everything I felt… Erwin.” 

Levi whispered to the top of the desk as he opened his eyes. Tears clung to his lashed as he felt something cold run across his back. He lifted himself off the desk and looked around. He couldn’t see anything. Nothing. He gasped and wiped at his face as he turned and sat on the edge of the desk where he usually sat when Erwin was busy with his work. Dimly Levi thought of Mike standing near the window… his insides ached again. 

“You know. I don’t think I ever thanked you for saving me. From myself. I was such an ass.” Levi said thickly to the empty room. “Never saw the big picture until you came along with your… mutt and showed me.” Levi paused as if he was waiting for a reply. The only thing he could hear was sounds from the building. It was so lonely.

“I would likely be dead if you weren’t so hard on me.” Levi grimaced and then lifted a disregarding hand. “Forget I said that… and don’t tell anyone I admitted that.” There was the barest whisper behind him. Levi assumed it was the wind against the glass of the window.

“Yeah… Mike would think that was pretty damned funny. You two were always more trouble than you were worth.” Levi said in a slight chuckle that sounded fake… like some part of him was trying to pretend that Erwin was there. And if it pretended hard enough… He would be. Erwin. Mike. Isabel. Farlan. Petra. Gunther. Erd. Oluo. His mother. He groaned as a fresh wave of pain hit him. His eyes burned and his throat hurt from trying not to cry loudly.

“I love you, Erwin. You know that right?” Levi said through a mouth full of his knuckles. “I couldn’t say that to you… to your face. But I love you. I hope you hear me.” Levi bit his knuckles harder, trying to feel something else than his lost anguish. Knowing that he would never be able to say that to anyone ever again… and the one he wanted to hear it was no longer there. His words fell on heartless and emotionless surfaces that could not return it in earnest. 

There was another soft whisper against the window. Almost like something was trying to get in from outside. Levi looked over at the window and went to it, opening it. He looked out and saw nothing but the cool night air was soothing to his heated skin. He closed his eyes as the wind touched his cheeks and he swore he could feel the wings of all of his fallen comrades. 

“Levi…” A soft whisper. It sounded like it came from within the wind. It caressed his face a little more forcefully. Enough to carry his tears into the night. Levi opened his eyes and he was sure it was his sensed shattered as he looked into blue eyes that reminded him of Erwin. Levi smiled and looked at those eyes. 

“Erwin… “ Levi whispered. Now knowing the whispers on the glass where to get him to come to the window. “I have been waiting for you.”

“I can’t stay long, Levi. But I wanted to see you one last time like this.” Erwin’s voice was low and soft. Levi was frustrated that he could not seem to focus and see Erwin’s face. It was like whatever magic this is would only allow him to see parts of him… more striking than the whole and only if Levi didn’t try to look directly into that space Erwin was. 

“Don’t leave me… please come back to me.” Levi said as he struggled to see him, fresh tears now flooding down his face. He was sure he was losing his mind, talking to the wind, believing he is hearing his heart speak to him. 

“I can’t, Levi. But we will see each other again one day.” Erwin came closer and pressed his lips to Levi’s tear streaked cheek and whispered to his ear. “I love you too. And when you join me in the end… I will take you in my arms and never let go.” 

Levi felt the wind like fingers touching his cheek and the brush of something he felt were lips against his as he exhaled.  
“I don’t know if I can do this.” Levi admitted.

“You can. And you will… you’re not alone. We are here with you always.” Erwin whispered. “I love you, Levi.” 

Levi turned his face a little and caught a glimpse of his eyes again… and the wind died down. Levi knew instinctively that meant that Erwin was no longer there. Levi wasn’t even sure if he imagined it and somehow that hurt even more. But the absence of the whispering wind left him feeling more alone than before… at least the wind comforted him. 

“Oooh… Erwin…” Levi started to cry again when he heard something behind him and the room flooded with a dull light. He jumped and turned to see Hanji standing there with a lantern hanging from a crutch she leaned on. There was a strange look on her face. Levi never has seen her look like this before.

“What do you want, shit glasses?” He said, trying to hide that he was flooded with emotions. He turned his head away but as he did he caught the shine of the green gem from the bolo tie around her neck. Her face, which had been pinched by something he did not recognize, suddenly broke into a frown as she looked down at the floor.

“Apparently the same thing you wanted, Levi.” Her voice trembled. “I saw him too.” Levi saw a tear drop out from under her glasses and hit the floor in front of her foot. Levi didn’t ask her how she knew he has seen Erwin but he came away from the window, walked slowly across the room and too her into his arms. She returned the gesture in earnest and they held one another as the storms came together and only then would they subside. 

“Hanji.” Levi said. He didn’t need her to respond. He just said her name to let her know he knew she was there.

“Levi.” She said as well and he felt his trembling lip still.


End file.
